Because randomness is the way to go! ;)

Are you masochistic?

Do you wish to suffer for the next two months?

Do you want to wait in anticipation and agony, only to have the thing you waited for kill you all over again?

Then this is just the thing for you.

The previous and original trailer– I thought that had killed me.

I had watched it over and over again that night until all the scenes got imprinted on my mind.
I lost count of the number of times I have watched it since then.

And I thought to myself, “If I survive this I can survive anything else, even the two year wait for Sherlock”
(Thanks a lot brain, that’s exactly the thing I wanted right now- a reminder of all the things I’m waiting for and won’t be getting)

I had made it a tradition to watch the trailer at least once every single day.
The reason was two fold:

1. My daily dose of The Fault In Our Stars.

2. The more I watched, the more immune I became to the pangs of longing I felt for the movie.
That’s what I thought anyway.

So that was my plan. Watch the trailer, read the book- rinse and repeat.

But, of course, plans never work.

So this “extended” version came out and I thought “Wow! That’s exciting but really… I’m so used to all this hype now. Let me spend a few minutes watching it and then I can get back to this ‘interesting’ book I’m reading.”

Boy was I wrong!

Used to the hype? I’m dying. I feel suffocated. It feels like the only oxygen I’ll get is in the form of the movie.

Few minutes? I spent more than half an hour watching it over and over and over again.

Interesting book? Well I’ve abandoned it.
I can no longer concentrate on anything at the moment.

I am having problems being coherent here on the blog… but I don’t really have a choice.

It’s either this or spending a sleepless night not having a single thought in my head but at the same time having them all at once.

This post is more for my own sanity than any of my readers out there.

I’m sorry guys, but I….

Oh wow!

….clearly can’t think straight because in the matter of half a minute, I quite literally forgot what sentence I was planning to type.

The worst part is, I’m going to have to go through life after that.

I don’t have the option of crawling under my sheets and not coming out until July (Oh yes! Did I tell you guys the bad news? In my country, I wait till July. So yeah!).

I have to go out there tomorrow. Act like nothing’s wrong.
Not even mention TFiOS because most of my peers have all but branded me insane due to my overload of feels regarding TFiOS, also Sherlock and Harry Potter and- I HATE MY BRAIN FOR DOING THIS TO ME!!! ISN’T TFiOS ENOUGH FOR ONE NIGHT OF TORTURE??!!??!


What is even more unbelievable is- it is all for a movie (Never in my life have I died a little everyday only because a particular movie hasn’t come out)- a movie which will be the end of life as I know it.

Can I just go and stay up there in heaven with Augustus?
I can see no point staying alive.
Oblivion is inevitable, like he rightly said.

I mean, the movie will come out, we will watch it hundreds of times and then what?
What are we supposed to do then, anyway?

I could (and would) discuss the finer little details of the trailer. About how they’ve included the fake ID part, how Hazel is reading An Imperial Affliction in a scene, how perfect Augustus and Isaac and Patrick are.
But it’s not like that will stop you from watching it three hundred and ninety four times and figuring all that out for yourself.
We should start a TFiOS support group.

This blog post really has no point, does it?

I’m simply crying and blabbering to myself and in the end, clicking on the ‘Publish’ button and putting it all out there for the world to read.
(There must be more to blogging that this.)

But well, if this is what gives me (relative) peace of mind, so be it.

To a good night’s sleep RavenclawSam, okay?


P.S. Are you one of those people who scream,
“Okay?? Okay?!?!? What do you mean ‘Okay’ You know and I know that nothing is okay by the end of it.
Neither my own life nor yours Hazel Grace! Then why must you torture me with that last okay???”
at the end of the trailer?


Comments on: "So Not Okay!" (2)

  1. aditi1641 said:

    Believe me, I felt just like you did. My heart breaks for you even if it’s been a month after I’ve watched the movie (in the US, TFiOS came out in June. I want to say sorry, but you’ve been really strong, and I know it.)
    Only I didn’t watch the trailer as many times as you did, but whenever the trailer rolled on TV, or whenever I stole myself a few minutes, there was so much pain in my heart. Just waited for the movie. And I used to scream sooo much! My mother used to hate it 😛
    I remember when the trailer first came out in January, I screamed my heart out, and I knew all the damage I was doing to my voice, but I still screamed. For atleast a few minutes without stopping. I actually have a blog post about that. About my reactions to the trailer.
    Even my friends used to look away when I started talking about TFiOS. I know how lonely that feels. But I just want you to know I feel for you. I hoped you liked the movie 🙂 I couldn’t stop crying 😀 😛


    • Oh yes! The wait for the movie required a completely different type of patience!!!
      But when I think of it retrospectively, I think it was pretty fun too.
      Now that I have watched the movie, when I read all these posts I wrote, I sound so desperate to watch the movie and I laugh.
      All of it was just a whole new level of fangirling :’)
      I’ve never waited so badly for a movie before;
      Book: sure. Movie: nope!


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