I just had an epiphany – if I can call it that.
So, noticed how I haven’t been blogging for a while now?
I think I finally figured out the real reason.
There was supposed to be a comeback post (consider this it, BTW) where I’d tell you exactly how busy and preoccupied I was, and how those are the reasons why.
While those are at least partly the reasons, I think the real reason is that I couldn’t write because, ever since I’ve started blogging, I’ve been in a very good place in my life.
Even though there have been really bad phases, they never interfered with my blogging psyche (is that a thing?).
I’ve always blogged about this happy stuff, funny and entertaining stuff.
I’ve come across as this confident girl who knows her shit even when she doesn’t know it. (I mean, I think so..?)
Suddenly though- and this is going to sound extremely dramatic- my entire life has fallen apart.
I have lots of stuff to figure out (which I hope I’m doing in the correct manner).
I’m in a place where I’ve never been before.
I’ve been kicked out of my comfort zone and I can’t complain because I know this is necessary.
I need to stop being complacent. I have quite possibly been complacent all my life.
But ‘complacent’ is a very negative word, maybe it was just ignorance coupled with a teeny bit of complacency? I don’t really know.
Anyway, I might write more about all that later- it’s too vast a topic to be talking about as digression.
The point is, because of all of that, I haven’t been feeling confident about anything in my life right now.
I have nothing that I can take for granted.
When my own thoughts are so jumbled, how am I supposed to post them on my blog for the world to read?!?
I need to be in a happy place to be writing anything.
I can’t write about sad or depressing things. About my own life or even fiction, I think.
That’s the epiphany, basically.
To summarise it in two parts:
1. I am in a completely weird state of mind right now, a place I’ve never been before, because of which I can’t write.
2. I can only write about happy, nice things. I cannot write about pain and sadness.
Also, I cannot write when I’m sad (this isn’t exactly true, but for now, it’s good enough)
Why I am like that is a completely different and long story for another day.
So yes, now that I have figured this out maybe I can work it out and make some real progress.
Hopefully I’ll get back to blogging soon because I honestly love it and do not want to quit.