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Posts tagged ‘Friendship’

The “Exactly!” moments


Do you remember that scene in the rom-com “27 Dresses” where Jane (Katherine Heigl) and Kevin/Malcolm Doyle (James Marsden) are stranded at a bar after her car breaks down and it is raining heavily?
Yes, exactly the one in which Jane dances on a table top to “Benny and the Jets”.
Their conversation before that goes something like this-

Jane: There’s gotta be one thing about weddings that you like.
Kevin: Open bar.
Jane: No.
Kevin:[thinks for a moment] All right. So when the bride comes in and she makes her giant, grand entrance, I like to glance back at the poor bastard getting married. ‘Cause even though I think he’s an idiot for willingly entering into the last legal form of slavery… I don’t know, he always looks really, really happy. And, for some reason, I…[notices Jane giving him a weird look]What the hell are you looking at me like that for?
Jane: Are you shitting me right now?
Kevin: What?
Jane: That’s my favourite part. Oh, my God. We have something in common.
Kevin: Yes. Well, statistically that was bound to happen.

That is a lovely scene, but my favourite scene in the whole movie is right after their “Benny and the Jets” dance when he helps her get down and says, “I cried like a baby at the Keller wedding” and they start kissing.

For all of you who do not know what I am talking about since, sadly you haven’t watched the movie; it is like, Kevin writes wedding announcements in a newspaper under a pseudonym (Malcolm Doyle) and Jane is a huge fan. And sometime earlier in the movie Jane tells Kevin that the Keller wedding story was her favourite but he says he doesn’t remember it since he acts all cynical about romance and weddings. But then he later confesses to her that he is, in fact, nothing like that and he cried at the wedding too. And thus they fall in love.

The thing common in these two scenes is that both Kevin and Jane who actually kind of hate each other instantly “click” because of the things they have in common.

I guess what most of you are thinking is, ‘Oh c’mon! Stuff like that happens only in movies. Never in real life.’

But really, are you sure this has never happened to you? Have you never really connected with someone?

I definitely have. In fact, there are so many instances where I and some of my friends have been in sync with our talks.
We have totally connected.
In fact, believe it or not, there is a friend of mine who completes my sentences while talking and I do hers, with whom I joke that we are on the same wavelength. But it isn’t really a joke, it is very much true. Most of the time we know what the other is thinking and then sometimes it happens that while talking in a group, she says something and I am like ‘that is exactly what I was about to say’- and by that I mean the exact words down to the tone of voice or punctuation depending upon the mode of communication. In fact, I blame her for the excessive use of “Exactly!”, since I have to say it at least once in every conversation that features her!

So what is it that makes us connect with some people and not others?
What helps us build a good rapport with people? 
I’m not exactly known for my phenomenal scientific skills, but I’ve read somewhere that when brain cells want to connect with each other, they synchronize their activity, like the cells literally tune into each other’s wavelength. How mind-blowing is that? 
‘Very’ is the word you are looking for! 😉

So maybe I and my friend don’t really have a telepathic or psychic link that actually connects us.
Maybe it’s just because we know each other a while now (four years) and therefore have developed a thorough understanding of the way our brains work, but that in itself is an achievement since I don’t have such a relationship with all of my friends, even the ones I’ve known longer.

And then there are others whom I’ve met quite recently and yet we seem to have established a small connection of that sort already! There is one such friend I can think of right now.
What’s more? We (the recent one and I) both decided to blog about this topic together and she just published hers a little before me. Here’s it– if you are interested! 

One less band on my wrist…

First Sunday of August, that special day dedicated to your special friends. Yes, you meet most of them almost every day. Then why this day? 
It’s to show them that although you see them daily, they are special and you do not take them for granted.
It’s also mostly for those dear friends of yours whom you do not meet often but think about every day- when something happens and it reminds you of just that one friend. The day is just an excuse to meet them and catch up on everything, the band just an excuse to hold their hands and tell them that no matter what, you are always there for them.
I have a lot of people whom I call my friends. Recently I realized that making new friends comes easily to me and only then did I actually think back and came to know that for as long as I remember, I made at least two new good friends every year and of them at least one went on to become one of my closest buddies. 
Of course just like I made friends, I lost a few friends too.
Sometimes it was over petty things, at other times it was probably for the best. “Good Riddance” is what would typically come to mind. 
Today, after a celebration in the morning when my hands were full of colorful bands, I didn’t even think of removing them. I had lunch wearing them and then had a nap (a too long nap, but then Sunday afternoons are so lazy, you can’t really blame me) too. Later, in the evening I realized that if I plan to keep them as souvenirs, it’s high time I remove them before they are ruined. 
So I sat at my desk and started carefully untying them one-by-one. One of the bands given by a really nice friend reminded me of a similar band I got last year and I instinctively looked at the soft board on the wall. Oh yes, there it was, a band with green string with a simple “FRIEND” carved in the plastic in middle in red. 
As ordinary as could be! Then why was it there on the soft board while all others from last year were packed away somewhere in the deep recesses of my wardrobe? 
That is because it was given by my best friend, not on that particular Sunday last year but a little later since we could not meet that very day. Nevertheless, the important thing was that we did exchange bands.
Sadly, the same can’t be said about this year. Just a week or two ago, we both have had a fight. What’s the big deal, you say? Friends fight. And best friends, all the time. But this time it’s a little more than that. It’s gone longer than any other fight. And none of us have tried to apologize. 
Both of us have our egos now, and we both think we are completely right. And the latest thing, we both think that the other has “issues”.
We could, obviously, just let it all go today; what with it being a Friendship Day. But that wouldn’t really solve problems. It would be a temporary sort of friendship just for the sake of it. 
I miss all the things we used to discuss, since we are both readers and writers it was mostly books; also French, another of our common interests. 
I will most importantly miss editing her first novel- yes I’m an awesome editor, writing is good, but editing is my thing. I have been reading her book, giving inputs, proof-reading and editing it since it was a baby, when she met me she had written 5 chapters and now it’s complete, sometimes I feel it is as much my book as hers. And she had promised me that I would be the editor. 
I wonder what happens now. 
Things have kind-of changed. I’m not sure we could go back to being what we were. 
We will resolve our fight and become friends again, but my experience tells me it won’t be the same. Long ago, similar things had happened, a friend and I had fought, later we decided to bury the hatchet, but now we barely talk, we exchanged bands today but it is obviously not the same.
So this year, in spite of those many bands on my wrist, one was missing and I think I’ve lost it forever.


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