It feels so weird to be writing you a letter now- now, when I barely know you- instead of writing one back then when I knew everything about you, right from the name of your Teddy to your favorite cereal.
No this is not another article on the internet written with the intention of trashing you. In fact, I wouldn’t even know what to say if it was. I don’t really know anything about you now, in spite of you being in the news so much (I don’t read the articles, nor do I watch the videos of any of your latest songs). It is really ironic, if you think about it.
I was 13 (I know 13 sounds very clichéd here, but I guess it is one of those true clichés) and I had idolised you. Almost to the point of worship, looking at me now you wouldn’t think so but it’s true.
I obsessively watched Hannah Montana, cut out your pictures from newspapers and magazines (There is scrap book I made full of your pictures, I still have it) and sung your songs in the shower.
Later on, of course, the obsession went down but I still loved listening to your music and watching your movies. I still remember how excited I was to watch Hannah Montana: The Movie.
Then you released this song, ‘Party In The USA’, I watched the video and you looked very different, not at all like the Miley I knew. But I liked it. You had grown up, I accepted that.
Then came Can’t Be Tamed. I don’t even remember if I watched that video (I probably did not) but that’s when I decided there was something very wrong with you growing up. And I guess after that I haven’t heard any of your songs. I completely stopped liking you.
But a long time before that, there were talks about you writing an autobiography of sorts and I was very excited to read it back then.
After a while, I forgot about it. Then I was visiting a bookstore with my aunt and my mum had warned my aunt not to buy me any book and inspite of my aunt whispering to me that she’ll get me some books anyway I decided not to buy any. I entered the bookstore and on the Fresh Arrivals rack was (guess what?) Miles To Go.
I just decided to have a look but my aunt insisted that I buy it. And so she did (secretly I was pleased because despite what I said all the time I did want to read it).
That book gave me an insight into the life of the Miley I knew and had liked once upon a time.
How did someone who sang ‘Don’t let no small frustration ever bring you down…” become this girl who shot the Wrecking Ball video?
I haven’t really watched it, but there are enough memes around the internet for me to know what it is like.
I really wish to know how this extremely optimistic girl I knew who was confident that she could take on the world become this person that she is today.
I do not blame you for any of it. I just don’t understand it!
I won’t even pass judgements about anything you do or have become, for that matter.
Do you like being like this?
Or do you, like me, think back at times and wonder what changed you?
Do you wish you were more like your old self or are you glad you’re no longer her?
When I say ‘like me’ I don’t just mean me thinking about you, there’s a huge part of my thought process which wonders the same about myself.
Am I getting better or worse?
Every day I learn something new, but there are no parameters to decide if it was a good new or a bad one.
Is that what happened to you?
In the process of learning new things, did you lose your ability to distinguish between good and bad?
I really wish to know the answers to these questions.
Not so much for you as for myself.
I did like you once and I learnt so many things.
From you, your show, your songs.
And those things got imprinted on my mind.
They went deeper than I thought.
And just like those things, your sudden transformation was imprinted too.
Even that influenced me in a small way.
But instead of influencing me to be just like you, it made me realize how much I don’t want to be like you.
Since then, everything I thought of doing that was even remotely rebellious in nature, I stopped to think and decide the implications it would have on my life in the future.
I became very cautious about everything.
I consciously stayed away from all kinds of social evils- drinking, smoking, drugs and all that stuff which people seem to enjoy.
The funny thing is, I wasn’t (still am not) very interested in trying them out either.
There is general curiosity about the various things around us when we are young adults but I never felt the need to find out what it’s like to be drunk or high!
I’m not saying I’ll never drink in my life- but I think it’ll be a conscious decision- without any kind of peer pressure or influenced by the need to try something new.
Those are not the only things, really. I think and analyse everything carefully, those examples are just very handy.
I wish you were still the same.
I know that isn’t possible, people change all the time and it’s perfectly alright. But did it have to be this kind of change?
I wonder what it would be like if you had grown up to be a very amazing person, someone who was loved by everyone. I always thought that would happen, somehow it didn’t.
I know you will never read this.
That’s a really cool thing about open letters, the one whom it is intended for mostly never reads it but the writer gets the satisfaction of talking to that person nevertheless.
But if you read it, how would you react?
Would you insult me on your Twitter?
I heard you’ve done that at times.
Or will it make you think?
Or will you simply stay indifferent?
I am not even sure what I want you to do exactly.
I am now having second thoughts about making this public.
But I will, because I wish to know what others think about my thoughts. I want to know if I am wrong in thinking them. Maybe people will tell me that it is your decision to do whatever you want, maybe I shouldn’t be commenting on your life choices, which I know is true, but I couldn’t help myself.
My blog is one of the places where I get a new perspective, fellow bloggers or readers show me different angles of looking at things, maybe that’s what I’m looking for now.
Know this though, that I will still adore the little 15 year old kid who was Hannah Montana and “The Climb” will always be one of my most inspirational songs.
You taught me a lot of things and for those, I will always be thankful.
A has-been fan.